I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize