My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
