i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
