Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
