My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
