You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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