using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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