Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
