I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
