I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
