How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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