I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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