:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
