Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
