I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize