Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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