oh god the rape fog is back!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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