youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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