Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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