So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
