My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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