Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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