He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
