And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
