allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
