I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
