I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
