So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
