Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
