New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my liver is dry heaving
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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