Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
