All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
