no, he came in my armpit
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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