I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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