it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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