hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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