It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
