i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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