i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
