who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
