he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
