Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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