I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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