I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
