maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
