what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
