I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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