I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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