he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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