theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
