I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
