I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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