i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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