Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
