Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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