i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
