I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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