I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
