Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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