can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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