Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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