She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
