It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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