did you get engaged???
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
