I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
