can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
