I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
