Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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