I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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