Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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