i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
