It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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