i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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