The maid of honor just puked.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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