Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
