# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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