I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
