I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just blew my weed a kiss
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
