Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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