So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
