dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize