We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
