I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
