But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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