I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
