Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
