ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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