Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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