Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
