Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
