I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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