She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
