i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Someone signed my nipple.
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