U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
