why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
