Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon

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(912): View more from Georgia

There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

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(231): View more from Michigan

We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.

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(281): View more from Texas

Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge

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(765): View more from Indiana

His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.

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