Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize