So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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