Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
