Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
