great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I could fuck to npr.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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