Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
